Lincoln’s Hot Letters: A Timeless EQ Lesson

I had the pleasure of leading a two-day workshop for a wonderful client team last week. During a discussion on emotional regulation as a critical leadership skill, we explored how challenging it can be when the brain's threat response is triggered. That's when a leader shared a story about Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States, that I had not heard before.

Abraham Lincoln, known for his wisdom, developed a powerful emotional regulation technique that all leaders can model. Lincoln struggled with emotional reactivity. When faced with frustrating situations, he would write what he called "hot letters" – passionate, sometimes scathing responses to people who had disappointed him. But instead of sending these letters immediately, Lincoln would put them aside in his desk drawer. One very famous letter was found in Lincoln's desk after his death, never sent.

This simple practice – creating space between emotional reaction and response – transformed Lincoln's leadership in three ways.

• It prevented relationship damage and allowed him to lead effectively even with a divided cabinet

• It allowed him to communicate with clarity during crisis

• It enabled decisions based on long-term vision rather than immediate emotions.

The lesson for today's leaders: When emotions run high, we need Lincoln’s desk drawer more than ever. Consider using AI as one of your “desk drawers,” a space to process emotional reactions and receive constructive feedback on your intent, tone and messaging. The space between stimulus and response is where great leadership happens.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​